Tackling Gambling Stigma
  • Read Experiences
  • Take Part
  • About Us
  • Contributors
  • Support
  • Blog

David

David first began gambling when he placed football bets with his friends. His gambling started to escalate after he downloaded multiple mobile apps and played online roulette. David would sometimes say he was going to work but he would sit and gamble in his car. His gambling led to him being £30,000 in debt. One day, his son asked him why he didn’t just stop gambling. David placed his last wager one week later. Alongside his job, he now works with several initiatives to help other people by telling his story. 

Contributions

Show text version

The rattiness comes in because you’re not sleeping, so you get quite jittery and ratty, and you just become a shell of what you are, really. And that’s all I can describe it as. Some days you can maybe function, you might have a few wins and you’re feeling quite good, but then even on those days, you’re looking for more. And so, it goes from something that’s a little five-minute bet to something that becomes your life, takes over your job, takes over your family life and it’s dark. It’s a very dark place to be. I kind of likened it, and it’s a weird thing to say, but when I was started gambling, I kind of imagined gambling as a person. Kind of like a dark shadow and he’d sit there with me. He was like my friend. And he wanted me to, he’d be like Oh don’t worry about it, carry on, it’s fine, you know, you’ll be alright, I’m here. But it wasn’t. But that’s what I kind of imagined it as a person, an identity rather than… And as soon as I stopped it had gone. I know that’s a weird thing to say, but I’m trying to rationalize it.

David
Gambling Experiences
Show text version

Well, what I spoke about before is the ease of how easy it was for me to do that. There are no red flags, there’s no markers, there was no one at the actual provider saying what’s going on here. This guy’s gone from £10 to £500. Nothing, nobody was intervening, and nobody was calling me or stopping my account. You know, I get the thing about excluding yourself, but that’s something you have to do and you’re in the height of your addiction you’re not going to do it because you need to get it back. I had Barclay cards, Lloyds cards and again I was betting massive amounts of money from them, and they were just letting me do it. There was no one stopping me. And again, I couldn’t see it. It was just like, you know, paperless so it didn’t feel like it was money. And I think again, I spoke to Nationwide in the middle of the week about having people, you know, even when I went to the bank and if someone had seen that, if someone may have said to me at that point “are you Ok? Something seems to being going on here”. But people aren’t qualified to do that, but we need to have someone there who is qualified or have people in these places with lived experience that can help people because it was just too easy for me to do it

David
Change
Show text version

I mean, I wanted to tell her, I really wanted to tell her. But I didn’t think she’d understand. I mean, we’ve had people on our panel, you know, affected others. And I can only imagine what it’s like for them because to not know what’s going on, the deceit of it, and the amount. I mean, when she found out, like I said, I was panicking. Even when I showed her the online account, I was trying to cover up things even at that point. And then when she started to understand she went “no it’s not, that’s not for that, what’s that amount. What’s this W whatever it was?”, and it was William Hill. “What’s that coming out of my account?” It was a joint account. It was just dreadful because as soon as I told her and the fact that she’d found out and I hadn’t told her, I just felt like I’d lost all the trust then. I felt like it was the end of my marriage, to be honest. My kids were quite young at the time, my daughter would have been four, my lad was nine and the thought of having to live in a flat without them really sent me downhill. I was downhill anyway but it really kind of made me feel like, Oh my God. So, I felt like I’d lost everything and trying to build that trust back because even when we got back together, you know, things would come on. I remember one night falling asleep on the sofa and there was a roulette thing on at 2:00 in the morning on ITV or whatever. That had just naturally come on while I was asleep. My wife came down and said, “what are you doing watching that?” So, the trust wasn’t there. Even you know, even and basically, I cut all my cards up. We shut the joint account and she had access to the account only. All of that was going on and at the same time it’s dreadful because there’s no trust there so trying to build that back is a long process, you know.

David
Harm
Show text version

And then I decided to get help. So, I didn’t know where to go really so I googled gambling problems, gambling addiction. The first thing that came up was National Gambling Helpline. So, I rang them because again I didn’t really know what to do. I explained what was happening and at that point it was still very raw. As you can imagine, I didn’t know what was going to happen. They did an interview with me over there, about an hour. It was kind of asking some quite intense questions. They were asking about if I’d had any thoughts about suicide and that type of stuff and asked me what type of gambling. So, it was OK, but it was felt quite a… not grilling as such, but it was draining. They suggested that I speak to my doctor about looking to get some counselling. They advised me about Step Change, to look at my debts. So, there was some help there, but again, I was kind of left at a point where so now I have to go and contact my doctor and tell them, and it was all quite draining. So, I did that. I did do that. And then I had to wait because there were some gambling centres that could help, but they were based kind of London, more based in London. I checked about groups around here like, you know, Gamblers Anonymous or whatever, Gamble Aware. I couldn’t really find anything. So, I spoke to my doctor, they put me on an NHS list for counselling, and I eventually got 12 sessions with Beacon, which were great, really. They were amazing to be honest.

David
Recovery
Show text version

When I stopped, I remember I was sat in the car. That’s the other thing I did. I would some days pretend I was in work when actually it was a day off and I’d go out in the car, and I’d just be sat in the car gambling. I think it got to a point in the car, it was on the day that I gave up, and I was in the car, and I was just in floods of tears because I kind of knew I was getting to a point where I can’t come back from this. It was kind of like I’m this much in debt that I’m struggling now to deal with this daily. I’m struggling to manage it and put an appearance up. And I just stayed in the car, and I thought about my kids and just completely stopped at that point. I don’t know what the trigger was – my lad maybe finding out. But it was the thought of losing everything that kind of made me stop and not go back to it because to have that chance to come back and be with my family after what I’d done. I felt shame about it. I felt absolute shame. I mean, what I could have with £30,000. I could have took the kids on holiday. I could have bought stuff, you know. It was. It was the thought of all that money that I had just wasted on me, if that makes sense. Even though it is an addiction, and I don’t think people find it difficult to understand it. It was just the thought so when I stopped, I thought I am never going back to it because it made me cringe.

David
Recovery
Show text version

Yeah, it’s a good question because like I said, it kind of went from being something that was fun to then just… and what I can’t get my head around. And I said this before about not seeing money. If I was to get £500 in my hand and put that onto a roulette wheel, I’d probably go No, what am I doing? I couldn’t see the money, but I think it was just the ease of it, winning like that, you know, on a spin. And it was kind of advertised, they gave me a lot of free bets and they did ask me to come back and the first £50 is free, but then obviously you were tied in with stuff like that. But I think is just the attraction of, I think it was the ease of winning. The buzz I suppose to some degree. Then I suppose when you’re locked into that and you’re betting big sums of money, it’s hard to come back because all you can think about is how am I going to get that back? How am I going to get this money back? I can’t just bet a tenner. So that’s why the bets become silly, you know, and that’s when. Well, what I spoke about before is the ease of how easy it was for me to do that.

David
Gambling Companies
Show text version

So, I mean, I would say when I first started gambling it was very much a bit of fun. Absolutely. I was just sort of putting on little bets, football mainly. So, I might go to the pub and there would be William Hill over the road, getting a slip. You know, we used to sort of discuss the slip, football slips with mates and stuff. I’d put maybe a pound on here, and pound of there, that sort of thing. You know, very kind of simple. Sometimes we’d get some wins and sometimes we didn’t, but it was all kind of small amounts of money and nothing that was, you know, a daily thing at that point. So, I sort of did that for a little while and then I think for me, where it started to turn, or just initially I started enjoying it too much was when I started downloading apps on my phone. So, you know, betting apps. I probably had about four or five accounts, Ladbrokes, William Hill. I had a Sky Bet one, funnily enough. There was also the sort of I think I had 32Red Casino as well. So obviously these were quite enticing at the time because you’d get free bets, and you could go on whenever you want. I think the other side of it which people don’t really see is you don’t see the money. So, you’re not putting the money over a till, you’re just kind of putting money from the accounts, you don’t see the money that you’re putting in. It’s very kind of quick and you can access it whenever you want. So, I started going onto my apps and, you know, betting on football again, different things, mainly football. There wasn’t really anything else at that point. Then I think what happened was I started to obviously win a bit. I started to get a bit more adventurous, I would say. I started putting on more money across different apps. So, you know, initially it was fine, but then I started it to bet longer in the days. I’d maybe go on in the middle of the night and bet on some team I’ve never heard of in the middle of South America or wherever. So, I started betting at different times on things I wasn’t really sure about, and I again it was still kind of sports related. But I was betting more. I was betting more money. So, it’s kind of like from five to 10 to 20. The biggest problem happened, and this is where I suppose most of my problems came from, and most of my debt, most of the addiction, I would say, was when I started going on to 32Red, and it was the casino. It was casino tables, roulette tables. Very simply red or black. No skill to it, like you maybe would with, and you know, goals in the game or the half time score. So that obviously I had easy access to. I was betting from credit cards, my own account. And the amounts of money that I was betting on there were ridiculous. So, it kind of started anything from 20 to some bets of £500 at a time. And again, it was just simply red or black. Red, you get your money back, black and so on. And that kind of is where, I mean I remember one night of doing that I probably lost about £7,000 in one night and the money was all being funded from my credit cards. Again, I was just betting randomly. I was sending money over. No intervention. It was just kind of easy to do. And that became my habit, and it became sort of just took over my life, I’ll be honest. Because I felt like I was in a bubble. You know, no one knew what was going on. I couldn’t tell anybody. You call it the invisible addiction, which is very kind of true. So, you can go, and you know, you can go around, and people can’t notice things that are going on. So, I was doing it in work, I was doing it at night, and I was doing it in the middle of the night. I was staying up late. I’d be doing it when I was making the get kids tea, just randomly getting my phone and trying to put a bet on. It was consuming because I’d lose money and I would have to win it back. So, I kept thinking, how can I win it back? And the more you win back, the more risky you get, the bigger bets you put on. I got myself in over £30,000 of debt. So that’s kind of my experience with gambling.

David
Gambling Companies

I couldn’t see it. It was just like, you know, paperless so it didn’t feel like it was money. And I think again, I spoke to Nationwide in the middle of the week about having people, you know, even when I went to the bank and if someone had seen that, if someone may have said to me at the point, “Are you Ok? Something seems to being going on here”. But people aren’t qualified to do that, but we need to have someone there who is qualified or have people in these places with lived experience that can help people because was just too easy for me to do it.

Gambling Companies

I think the banks should form a network of some degree. So, if someone can see irrational actions happening on someone’s account and they’re trying to open another bank account, there should be some flags put up there. And I don’t mean just jumping in and saying what are you doing, but you know, it needs to be done in the right way. But there just needs to be so much more done.

Gambling Companies

So, it’s become very much kind of it is the invisible addiction. We need to talk about it. And more people with lived experience need to come forward, I think. We need to be utilizing those people, maybe in banks, maybe in governments or whatever it is, just to sort of advice and help from all sectors, you know, young people, older people, affected others as well.

Change

Because unless you’ve got a hold on it, it will get bigger and badder. And if you’re betting stupid amounts of money now, the sooner you stop and the sooner you speak to someone about it, then the more help you can get. And I think don’t get to the stage like I did with being that amount in debt and not reaching out to people because I could have took an easy path and I could have my life. I could have done that. I thought about it because I felt there was shame about what I was doing abut actually, when you do open up the speak people, they understand it and they’re there to help you. So, you know, stop as soon as you can and think about what it is your gambling, what you’re gambling on.

Change

Because I felt like I was in a bubble. You know, no one knew what was going on. I couldn’t tell anybody. You call it the invisible addiction, which is very kind of true. So, you can go, and you know, you can go around, and people can’t notice things that are going on.

Stigma

I felt shame about it. I felt absolute shame. I mean, what I could have with £30,000. I could have took the kids on holiday. I could have bought stuff, you know. It was. It was the thought of all that money that I had just wasted on me, if that makes sense. Even though it is an addiction, and I don’t think people find it difficult to understand it. It was just the thought so when I stopped, I thought I am never going back to it because it made me cringe.

Stigma

I was having some quite dark thoughts at the time. I was thinking – I was contemplating taking my life, to be honest, because I couldn’t understand how to get out of this debt. I was worried about what people would find out. If my wife found out, what would happen? What would work do if they found out? So, you know, I was in this complete space of depression and anxiety and just not knowing what to do.

Gambling Experiences

It went from something that was a bit of fun and a buzz to something that just became all consuming. It literally took over your day. So, when you’ve got a gambling addiction, you don’t wake up and think Right, I’ll have a bet at six o’clock. You wake up thinking, Right, what am I going to have a bet on today? How am I going to get this? I lost £2,000 yesterday, how am I going to get that back? And you have your phone stuck to you because that’s all you’re doing. You’re thinking about it. You become anxious; you get depressed. You start taking other things.

Gambling Experiences

I was in the same job, and I was earning good money. My family life was stable. So why get into that? It wasn’t like I was, you know, in poverty or anything like that or, you know, it was just something that initially started as a bit of fun. And I enjoyed it and when you won it was a real buzz. And the weird thing is, when I did win, I’d buy things for my family. It wasn’t even me, I wouldn’t spend it on me.

Gambling Experiences

When I first started gambling it was very much a bit of fun, absolutely. I was just putting on little bets, football mainly. I might go to the pub and there would be William Hill over the road, getting a slip. We used to discuss the slip, football slips with mates and stuff. I’d put maybe a pound on here, and pound on there, that sort of thing… Sometimes we’d get some wins and sometimes we didn’t, but it was small amounts of money and nothing that was a daily thing at that point.

Gambling Experiences

People need to be trained up and there needs to be signposting guidelines, even policies at workplaces about gambling and, you know, people supporting that space and give them clear direction of where you can go.

Make it’s something that’s going to be … because I felt like it was a bit of an interrogation when I had my chat [with an organisation] and I’m sure they wanted to help, but it didn’t feel…probably because people don’t understand what I was going through. I think if you’ve got someone there who understands what you’re going through, it makes it a lot more easy and probably more effective conversation.

Change

I didn’t really know where to go. So, I think, and this is probably a problem for a lot of gamblers out there at the moment, and this is why we need to make more awareness because I didn’t really know what to do or where to go. I had to do a lot of the work myself and at that point I’d stopped gambling, but I was still very raw emotionally. I was still feeling very down, still very anxious. So, it took a lot out of me to go and then see the doctor and stuff. Maybe some people wouldn’t have the strength to do that. I don’t know. So, it’s difficult, but it wasn’t the easiest thing to get help for.

Change

It went from something that was a bit of fun and a buzz to something that just became all consuming… So, when you’ve got a gambling addiction, you don’t wake up and think “Right, I’ll have a bet at six o’clock”. You wake up thinking, “Right, what am I going to have a bet on today? How am I going to get this? I lost £2,000 yesterday, how am I going to get that back?” And you have your phone stuck to you because that’s all you’re doing. You’re thinking about it. You become anxious; you get depressed. You start taking other things. Like I said, I started drinking heavily. I couldn’t tell people what was going on.

Harm

The rattiness comes in because you’re not sleeping, so you get quite jittery and ratty, and you just become a shell of what you are, really. And that’s all I can describe it as. Some days you can maybe function, you might have a few wins and you’re feeling quite good, but then even on those days, you’re looking for more. And so, it goes from something that’s a little five-minute bet to something that becomes your life, takes over your job, takes over your family life and it’s dark. It’s a very dark place to be.

Harm

Through each session I talked about it and I kind of raised all my fears each week when I got there about even what’s going to happen when people write letters about my loans and stuff because I can’t pay them now. And then overcoming that fear and actually having StepChange there was really good.

Recovery

We were quite close me and my boss. You know, she was really good to me, but I didn’t know what to say. I had to tell her… and she just said “OK, well, you’ve not actually killed anyone, have you?” And that was her response. So straight away it was a big weight just fell off me because I told her and there was again, we’re talking about stigma, there wasn’t any of that “Oh my God- what have you done?”. You know, it was kind of like, “fine, and what are you doing about it? What help are you getting?” And she was just brilliant… People I told were actually good about it, and I was very lucky for that. And actually, that did take a lot of the weight of the worry off me because when you start to talk about it, it’s massive, you know, especially to people who you care for and they’re understanding.

Recovery

My wife found out. I didn’t tell her. We had a joint bank account, so she kind of never really went on and looked at it. She said she had to check something because I manage it normally. And she would see transactions and she asked what it was, and I was kind of trying to put off saying it’s nothing. And then I told her. I just said, “Yeah, I’ve been gambling.” She was completely shocked and didn’t understand why I’d done it and what I was doing. When I told her the amount I was in debt by, it was literally a boom, a kind of explosion. At that point, she said, “right, I can’t deal with this”… Come back the next day, tried to sort it. I couldn’t. And then we were kind of at the verge of splitting up.

Recovery

Share content

>Facebook Twitter

Join our newsletter

Subscribe
Follow us

Got a question?

Get in touch

© 2022 Tackling Stigma Ltd | Registered in England & Wales at 601 London Road, Westcliff-On-Sea, England, SS0 9PE | Company Number: 13339976   Privacy Policy   |   Sitemap

Website by Blue Frontier
Delivering you the best possible experience

We use cookies on our website to deliver you the best online experience, by using them to analyse site traffic, tailor and personalise content to you and serve targeted ads for the latest deals.

For the best experience, please accept all cookies, however, if you would like to manage your cookie preferences please alter the cookie choices here to control your consent.

Accept All Cookies

Our use of cookies

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website, to read more about the cookies we use, please read our cookies policy here.

Necessary cookies

Necessary cookies enable core functionality such as security, network management, and accessibility. You may disable these by changing your browser settings, but this may affect how the website functions.

Analytics cookies

We’d like to set Google Analytics cookies to help us to improve our website by collecting and reporting information on how you use it. The cookies collect information in a way that does not directly identify anyone.

Marketing cookies

We and our advertising suppliers use these technologies to personalise the advertising you see. They work by seeing how you use our services and other websites. They use that information to predict what might interest you. You might see personalised advertising on our services, on other websites or in marketing emails.
Save & Accept