It was like, where did this wage go? What’s happened to this?… I would start to notice that he would go and spend like £10 on scratch cards and I thought that’s a lot to spend on scratch cards and to me, it’s a waste of money. We spoke about it but it wasn’t a big thing and stuff. I think he showed me a screenshot like he had whatever he’d bet saved, maybe put £50 in, and then it’s like a £300 pot sitting there. He ended up gambling all of that.

It seemed to be the scratch cards because he was in and out of work with different things, mental health, and depression, and stuff. It was only really like when he did have a wage and then he has money, there wasn’t a great deal that I could say about it. I think it became more and more of an issue.

In terms of for him, emails, notifications, I don’t know about anything like that, if they were keeping him interested, but I don’t think it would matter. He’s also the type that money will burn a hole in pocket. He wouldn’t even have to really have the temptation right there, he’d probably just go and find a temptation.

It’s too easy, like a casino in your pocket. It’s not just the land-based stuff that you’ve got to worry about, sadly, and the lack of regulation is really concerning.

I was doing this survey thing. And as part of it, it wanted you to sign up to go and do this, that and the other. I hadn’t heard anything from them for ages. I think it’s been four months, and then I don’t know if there’s been a big rollover… they sent me two texts in one day. I thought this is the thing that if you don’t unsubscribe and then it just plants a little seed and “Oh a rollover, I could be it, somebody’s got to win it”.

It was only more noticeable towards the end – well, when he told me, when he showed me and then I knew what he did. It’s sort of come from nowhere but who knows how long it’s actually been going on. I think the more we can tackle stigma, the less people will feel the need to hide things and get to understand things better.

I think generalizing, obviously, but I think because guys don’t talk about their feelings and they’re just up you get, shake it off, man up, you’re the man of the house, all that jazz. I think that they’re encouraged to bottle things up and then they don’t really know how to cope with the emotions or how to talk about them.

That’s the thing with addiction as well, I think that people who stigmatize, blame the person. The person blames their own addiction or their own, I don’t know, something, rather than, “What can I do about it? How to actually– can I get hold of it.” I think, also, probably, because it has such a hold on them, they don’t feel like– it’s like they couldn’t be responsible for it, because they feel so out of control. Can’t be a nice feeling.

I don’t know if the social stigma would measure up to the personal stigma like if it was two people in a relationship and one knows that other’s gambling and I think, you’d be more worried about what they think, than the wider – maybe if there was support there to go to a group or something like that. That would be less scary than actually saying to your partner “you know what, I spent the rent money again, and I’m sorry but I can’t say I’m not going to do it again.”

It’s like financial abuse in a sense, but at the same time, they’re not in control of it. They’re not doing out of badness or – do you know what I mean?

I think what probably hurt most about it as much as everything else was that he felt that he had to hide things…When it came to not being able to give his contribution because it had been spent on whatever else, then that became an issue because that was a sort of stability that I was looking for. Well, if you’re here and you’re staying here, I’m not looking for dependent, and that sort of stuff. It all had an impact, to the point where I had to remove myself from it. Not because I lack love, or understanding or empathy or connection or anything else, but just purely because it’s no good for me.

It’s difficult having to let go of something that you don’t really have any closure. I’m the bad guy in the situation because I ended it but it’s hard being the bad guy. I used to have a good relationship with his family and actually, that’s hard. It’s almost through his actions that I don’t keep in contact with his family.

He complains about certain relationships in his life, that they lack the substance because his pals know that he lies to them. His family knows that he lies to them. His girlfriend knew he was lying. I’ve told him, “Look, you’re going to ruin you’re closest relationships, if you don’t sort this stuff out.” If you don’t talk to your mum or whatever else.

I’m not somebody who cares too much what other people think, but because of the way that he was with the alcohol, I can certainly look my neighbours straight in the eye now, that I don’t have him here.

The thing that got me about it was that he banned himself from a site or two, which you think, okay, lesson learned. He’s took that temptation away, but just went on to download other apps on his phone.

He knew that he was also a danger to himself. It just sort of couldn’t continue, he had to do something. He’s actually mentioned that he had a trip to the hospital. He mentioned that he’d hanged himself, and the male nurse didn’t actually offer any here’s who you can go and talk to. Or anything. After that, I was like, what can we find for him… it was a bit of pillar to post sort of thing.

I think that the regulation’s such a big thing for me, because just knowing a wee bit about how they draw you in and how they keep you in. He says to me his niece was watching him. She’s five at the time, watching him paying slots… That’s scary because kids are so, they’re not daft, they’re not stupid, and they’re so impressionable.

I just want to see more help and more people accessing help for all of the things. I think the more outlets, the more support and stuff, that’s available would be better really.

The awareness thing as well, I think it’s just a lack of awareness in all aspects of gambling. I’d really love to know how many scratch cards my corner shop sells. Is gambling more prevalent in deprived areas, low socioeconomic status and stuff, does that have a factor?

I think what probably hurt most about it as much as everything else was that he felt that he had to hide things.

It all had an impact, to the point where I had to remove myself from it. Not because of lack love, or understanding or empathy or connection or anything else, but just purely because it’s not good for me.