Tackling Gambling Stigma
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Sam

Sam is 38 and works in education. His addiction to gambling grew from the excitement and glamour of playing roulette in casinos. It became worse when he started to gamble online and could gamble instantly from anywhere. He was going through many things, which meant he did not put enough value on himself or his life to stop the damage gambling was causing.

Now he is having counselling and finding his way through the harm gambling has left him with. He wants people to know that gambling addiction is a mental illness, not a choice. It does not mean someone is a bad person, it means they are unwell and need help. Gambling addiction makes people behave in a way that is illogical, but the gambling companies are illogical too as they can see people are addicted and don’t do enough to stop them. 

Contributions

It’s hard because, you know, you’re constantly reflecting on what you’ve done. Which so, is like trying to, I guess the counselling is helping me at the moment try, to try and to move on from that. Moving forward rather than just thinking, Oh God, I can’t believe I did this and that, and what I could have had. You know, the amount of time that I’ve spent gambling is ridiculous. You know, that was, let alone the money that I’ve lost, the amount of time that’ve spent, the amount of lies that I’ve said, and you know.

Recovery
Show text version

I would like them to look at what they are allowing to become normalised behaviour for young people from an early age, not just in, you know, computer games, TV. You know, if you look at game shows on a Saturday night, you know, you’ve literally got a ball dropping down a series of things. Anything can happen, it is complete luck, you know. There’s loads of examples of game shows out there that is complete, that is gambling, there’s no skill involved in it at all. You don’t have to answer a question, you don’t have to do anything. You know, you just have to pick a number in a game of Deal or No Deal. You know, you’re literally picking a box like. So you’re promoting that kind of activity as a fun and positive thing. And yeah, gambling for a lot of people, it’s fine because they can control it and they can enjoy it. But really, all it takes is one person to pay the ultimate price for it. Is that really OK? That’s what I would say, is that really, you know, is that really okay?

Sam
Change
Show text version

I think what’s interesting is the responsibility of these things, I feel are always kind of put on the victims. So it’s always like, you know, if you say to someone — so you’ve got to think like why is tobacco advertising banned and like why are alcohol adverts not shown or whatever at certain times, whatever the rules are, and it’s because, you know, it’s not very good for you. And like, it’s the same with gambling really, but it’s behind the times, with that sort of stuff. And the fact that it’s normalised. I would say it’s definitely normalised, like I was saying, for young people, you’re going to have a lot of, a lot, I would estimate that a lot of people in the future are going to become problem gamblers because they’re already gambling at the age, at very young ages. So it’s normalised behaviour. And they think that it’s an okay thing to do kind of thing, where actually if it was more restricted then, if there was more protection in place for people, then it might, it might stop the wrong people like me being able to lose a lot of money that they can’t afford gambling.

Sam
Stigma
Show text version

The reason I haven’t told people is due to shame and embarrassment. The way they might respond, I suppose, but I don’t know, I may be, I suppose, I am quite positive in the way that I think that most people that I know would respond positively, but it’s really different for everyone. Yeah, it’s very different for everyone. And you know, you know, you’ve let, obviously you’ve let people down and things. So that’s always difficult to be able to share with others. Yeah, and I guess for some people, it might be really difficult because they might be surrounded by other people that are problem gamblers as well, which that would be tough, but that’s not my situation. So I guess for me, the reason I haven’t told a lot of people is because I find it difficult to own up to it and while I would hope that most people I know that if I did tell, would be supportive, even if they know, I guess like you feel that most people would think that it was illogical and, you know yourself it’s illogical, so well I know myself it was not the right thing to do.

Sam
Harm
Show text version

And in terms of relationships, I suppose with the lost time, it would have damaged relationships where I could have done something with somebody or done something socially, but instead I was gambling or I didn’t have the money to do it. Yeah. So There would have been like, so like trips, you know, like weekend breaks with friends or something that I probably could have done, but I didn’t do so, maybe that damaged those sorts of things. Not spending enough time with my partner. Yes. That would have impacted there. And just like, you know, I remember a lot of times like nights out, right, say it was like a work Christmas meal or something, I would leave early to go to the casino. You know, just things like that where I can’t say for sure, but I’d be quite, I’d have a good idea that it would have damaged relationships like that. And obviously, now, you know, to the people, for some people, they can’t trust me in the same way because they know that I led this double life and so in terms of that’s got that relationship stuff.

Sam
Harm
Show text version

So I guess I knew I had a problem for a few years. And the reason I stopped was partly financial because I couldn’t afford to gamble anymore. And a kind of realisation that I, I had to get help. Yeah. But it was stopping was like a real sort of sense of grief because it was, I couldn’t believe that I’d never gamble again. And that was hard, still, is hard to deal with and obviously it is hard for other people to hear, you know that, but its that thing of it was such a big part of my life, for such a long time. The actual, the actual act of trying to stop and stopping was a real sort of sense of loss. Which is very dark, you know?

Sam
Recovery Harm
Show text version

You are thinking, “Oh, this is what I could have had, you know, I’m so embarrassed about what I’ve done” and the shame and everything and the regret. That happens. It could happen in 15 minutes. You know, and there’s been days where, you know, I’ve quit gambling twice in a day, you know, I’m never going to gamble again. And then ten minutes later, I’m gambling and then whenever, later on, I’m never going to gamble again and then I’m gambling again, you know, so it’s that constant fear, not fear, feeling of failure, but then mixed in with like all the emotion of winning money. So it’s very, very difficult. And the lies you know is such a big thing, like the secrecy and because it’s not like with other addictions where I guess it’s more obvious to the people on the outside. Because they can physically see changes or hear changes with this, it’s like, you can hide it quite well, and you learn to hide it, and you learn to lie well.

Sam
Gambling Experiences
Show text version

I guess I’d say, it pretty much took over my life in terms of that’s what I thought about most of the time. I obviously, well not, obviously, but I lived a very sort of double life, so it was a very secretive thing. So not many people knew and still don’t know the extent of how badly I was gambling. And so in terms of the impact of, the emotional impact of those sorts of things, there’s lots of feelings of guilt and shame and the sort of self-loathing that goes, that went with like losing money that could have been used for other things. So lots of regret, you now, which is really difficult to cope with, especially once I kind of have been on the journey to try and stop gambling. That sort of those feelings really come to the front because then you’re like, kind of, the head, my headspace was in a different place where I was reflecting on it all, and it’s really difficult because, yeah, there’s like I say, there’s those feelings of regret and resentment and shame really, really strong. And the euphoria we all, or those feelings that you can have of winning. They do kind of fade away a bit, I’d say, over time, because it doesn’t, it goes from, well, for me, it went from Wow, I’ve just won this money to like, Okay, I’ve just won this money and it’s never like, you know, you’re probably just going to spend that money in the long run on gambling. Which is very difficult, and it’s very sort of loss of self-control. And knowing what the right thing to do is, but not being able to do the right thing is very, very hard thing to go through.

Sam
Gambling Experiences
Show text version

So, like when I was younger, you know, you go to like arcade type things, the classic story of when you’re on a holiday, when you’re a kid you go to those sorts of places. And I always wanted to go back and try and win more or win whatever. So I kind of knew that. like looking back now, on reflection, it’s easier to kind of see that like lit a spark, if you like, of that part of me that was interested in an unhealthy way with it. And then I guess as time goes on and you get older and you get more access to finance and stuff, it just grew and grew. And then, you know, I did like sort of sport betting and stuff, but it wasn’t it wasn’t like hindering my finances. Yeah, I’d say once I went to a casino that changed because it was, I guess, there was like a thrill and excitement of being live at the casino and winning and losing in that setting. So I kind of yes, I’d say the addiction grew from there, and then it got really bad when I discovered online gambling, because then you could just do it instantly from anywhere.

Sam
Gambling Experiences
Show text version

Just the only thing I would say is it is really important, at least for me, but I would definitely say that I would stand by it, that is really an illness, being an addict is very much an illness. It’s not something, it may look like I chose to do things because I made certain decisions, and on paper in black and white I chose to do those things. But actually like, no logical person would choose to do these things. So the reason I acted in an illogical way was because I was consumed by the addiction of gambling and seeking those things that it gave me. And I may have masked other things just like, you know, alcohol or looking scrolling through social media or whatever watching TV does. But it doesn’t, I mean it’s preying on people’s vulnerability as well, and that, really, you know, the fact that no-one, it did happen a couple of times, but apart from a couple of times, nobody said, “You need to stop or you need to..”. No one and in terms of the organisations or the casinos that I was attending, said, “You can’t do that anymore”. Yeah. And even though they would have literally watched people go through a huge decline. Because there is people that I would go to the casino and you would recognize the same people, and like I say, like, it’s very different going to a casino 11 o’clock in the morning on a Monday compared to 11 o’clock at night on a Saturday. You know, you see the same people there and you know that you’re becoming like them or you are like them. And the casinos must see that and they must see that these people are just losing money constantly over huge periods of time. It’s not like, you know, a one off or twice a year. You’re talking about like every day or even if it’s like three times a week, if they’re losing a high amount of money three times a week. You know, they’re also behaving in an illogical way. You know, they’re just as much of the problem because they’re being illogical as well because any logical person would say, “Hold on a minute, you know, do you want to see how much you’ve lost?”. Because they’ve got it all recorded everywhere, especially online, but even in live casinos that have it recorded somewhere. So they could literally say, “Would you like to see how much money you’ve won or lost over the past month?” But there’s no chance of them doing that.

Sam
Gambling Companies

If you look at game shows on a Saturday night, you know, you’ve literally got a ball dropping down a series of things. Anything can happen. It is complete luck, you know. There’s loads of examples of game shows out there that is gambling. There’s no skill involved in it at all. You don’t have to answer a question, you don’t have to do anything. You know, you just have to pick a number in a game of Deal or No Deal. You know, you’re literally picking a box. So you’re promoting that kind of activity as a fun and positive thing.

Gambling Companies

But now you have this thing where there’s like multipliers on. So you can win, but you can have like a multiplier put onto that number. So say number one comes in normally you’d win X amount of money. But if on some other forms of roulette, it might be the number one comes in but you win 500/1. So there’s even more of – so normally it’d be 35/1, but they put it so that says it says you could get 500/1. So there’s even more of that enticement for some people, I would imagine to think, “Wow, you know, just one more go because I could do that”. And, you know, I’ve had lots of, obviously, I was gambling a lot of the time, for 10 years, so I’ve had lots of wins. And like I said before, you hang on to those… So I guess, in terms of the way they’re designed, that probably is a factor into it. So it makes you think that it’s likely to happen again.

Gambling Companies

Like I say, it’s not just the addict’s responsibility. Because obviously, they’re using this, they’re getting their fix from somewhere. And they need to look at what they’re doing in the land-based stuff. Like I say, a lot of the times, if you have a membership card to these places and you scan it at table or you put it in a machine obviously everything that you do is recorded. But I mean, I’m sure there’s ways of you looking up your statement or whatever it would be called. But I was never told about that. All you’re told about is,” Oh, you could earn points or whatever”. And a lot of the times I didn’t even have a membership card. I just said, your name, you go in. And you know, they can be trained to be more responsible.

But in, and, you know, just like a gambling addict, it doesn’t pay the addiction to be responsible. Gambling didn’t want me to be responsible. So and like, you know, in a, you know, it’s a profit, it is a profitable thing, so why would they want anyone to be responsible? Tricky, very tricky.

There must be more steps that you can put in place to limit access to things online and in the live format in casinos. You know, it feels like when I was a child and growing up, casinos weren’t places that people went to in the same way as they do now. It was like very high end, glamorous thing. They weren’t in every city like they are now. It was, as far as I’m aware, I don’t know if this is true, but for a long-time roulette was banned in most places apart from Monte Carlo. And you have to question why that was.

Gambling Companies

And obviously financially, I’m not really responsible for my money anymore because I can’t be responsible for it. And that’s a hard, hard thing to hard thing to come to terms with yourself is that actually, for me personally, I’m not a responsible person, especially with money. So for some people to hear that, like, you know, you hand over your finances to someone else would be a really massive thing. You know, people like their independence, they like they have their own money. But for me, actually, that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me because, yeah, it just helped in terms of not being able to, I can’t actually gamble even if I wanted to.

Recovery

I’m sure no one would argue if you said, I’m going to quit smoking tomorrow. They would be like that’s brilliant, well done. And you would, you’d be proud to say it, but I think you would definitely feel ashamed to say I have a gambling addiction and I need to stop tomorrow because somewhere there must be a thing in your mind about the stigma attached to it. So you’re irresponsible, you don’t care about what you’ve done, you’re stupid for want a bad word. You know, you’re not intelligent enough to realise what you’re doing.

Stigma

There an attitude of like, Oh, it’s hidden, we’ll like sweep it under the carpet, these people are like, you know, just irresponsible people that can’t control themselves. Surely you wouldn’t be that stupid just to lose all your money on gambling? Is that the attitude that a lot of people have and can we change that attitude so generally, people are more supportive?

Stigma

In terms of stigma is it doesn’t matter like. I would say, really, it doesn’t matter how much money is the win or lose. It’s like that, when, when it’s like an illness for you, it doesn’t discriminate against anyone. Like the addiction, the addiction doesn’t discriminate at all, at all.

Stigma

I was gambling a lot of the time, for 10 years, so I’ve had lots of wins. And like I said before, you hang on to those and a couple of them I would describe as lucky, even though it’s no more lucky than another win. But as a gambler, so I suppose logically, I would say ignore what I’m saying, but illogically they were more, it was more lucky and when that happens, that’s really, really bad because you think it could happen again.

Gambling Experiences

I didn’t really have enough value on myself or my life, the people in my life or myself, to consider the damage I was doing. So, I guess as a personal thing, there was obviously a lot of other stuff going on alongside the gambling, which made me think that it didn’t really matter how much damage I was doing.

Gambling Experiences

I’d say mainly it was the winning, winning the money that was the big thing. And then at the casino you kind of have this, you think it’s a glamorous place and there’s a lot of if you’re winning there’s a bit of kind of bravado and a kind of ego thing going on there. When in reality… I would say it’s very different if you go to a casino on like a Friday night, 9:00 p.m. It’s very different if you go at that time, compared to if you go to the casino at, say, 11:00 in the morning on a Monday. That’s when you see what it is really.

Gambling Experiences

What I would say, was you are not a bad person, you’re just someone that’s unwell. You need to draw a line under everything that’s happened before. You’re never going to get the money back. That money is never going to come back to you. The only thing you can do is try and move on from that.

Recovery

They could make it more easily available to get sort of the counselling support. You know, I pay for the counselling, but I know that there is like ways you can get free things. But if that was more advertised and more readily available, then that would be a good thing.

Change

They need to look at what they’re doing and the land-based stuff. Like I say, a lot of the times, if you have a membership card to these places and you scan it at a table or you put it in a machine obviously everything that you do is recorded. But I mean, I’m sure there’s ways of you looking up your statement or whatever it would be called. But I was never told about that. All you’re told about is “Oh, you could earn points” or whatever. And a lot of the times I didn’t even have a membership card. I just said, your name, you go in. And you know, they can be trained to be more responsible.

Change

In terms of the emotional impact of those sorts of things, there’s lots of feelings of guilt and shame and the sort of self-loathing that went with losing money that could have been used for other things. So, lots of regret, you know, which is really difficult to cope with, especially once I kind of have been on the journey to try and stop gambling. Those feelings really come to the front because then you’re like, my headspace was in a different place where I was reflecting on it all, and it’s really difficult because there’s those feelings of regret and resentment and shame that are really, really strong.

Harm

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