I was put under a new doctor who couldn’t see me face to face, but she did agree that she would put me in a new course of treatment which she thought would help me. Initially, she’d see me every week online and we’d see how it went… She made me or has made me, to a great extent, feel inside how I would’ve wanted to have felt all my life if I could have chose.
I was on my own a lot. My working life involved me being on my own, by and large, catching a train or a bus to wherever this car was, and then bringing it back. Because of driving for a living, I didn’t drink. My social life was gambling, really. It was gambling. It very rapidly got out of control.
I didn’t know why but I believe personally, and then this is part of the arrogance thing, it makes you feel like a failure. All the things that make you a gambling addict, they are all your and my responsibility. I know that there are hundreds and thousands of outside forces that you can’t control, but the essence of the addiction is my responsibility. Therefore to ask someone to take that responsibility on board, I personally feel for me, would have been admitting I was a failure, that I was weak. I’m not. Addiction has commonality, but that was what it was for me.