Gambling Experiences

Money loses meaning

What makes gambling different from other addictions is that it is about money. Staking, winning and losing money is at the core of the activity. People have said it is very hard trying to comprehend how they could behave in such a reckless way with money. They explain that gambling removes the usual meaning and value of money. So, they behave with money in ways people normally would not.

Believing there is always a chance you could win

The chance to win money is a strong motivator for anyone to gamble. People do win money unpredictably. This is a very powerful way to get people to keep repeating a behaviour. Gambling companies design advertising, bets and games to strengthen the experience of winning and to make winning seem more likely. People often have vivid memories of their wins. People carry on gambling because they have won money and believe they can win money again.

I was gambling a lot of the time, for 10 years, so I’ve had lots of wins. And like I said before, you hang on to those and a couple of them I would describe as lucky, even though it’s no more lucky than another win. But as a gambler, so I suppose logically, I would say ignore what I’m saying, but illogically they were more, it was more lucky and when that happens, that’s really, really bad because you think it could happen again.

I mean whereas probably a normal person, should I say, who’s not a gambler like myself, a normal person would probably think, “I’ve lost, walk away. I couldn’t really afford to do that. This is where I stop now,” I would 24 hours later, having felt awful and so down, that bet that should be still fresh in your memory for probably weeks or months after it’s almost just gone like that because you’re then thinking, what can I do? How can I get it back on the next event?

Money becomes the means to gamble

Many have explained that money stops being money and becomes the means to gamble.

People find the whole experience of gambling absorbing and pleasurable. They end up gambling to get this experience. They become physically and psychologically addicted to this experience. In this way gambling is like alcohol, smoking or drugs. Except in gambling, the experience is based on continuously using money. Money becomes the thing people have to use to get the experience they are addicted to.

Gambling companies design bets and games to change how people feel and to be immersive. This is so that people lose track of time and money and gamble more. This is how gambling companies make more money from them.

Yeah, I guess I had no relationship with money towards the end. So for me, money didn’t mean anything. Even when I was winning in casinos and things, it would go straight back out. I wouldn’t be able to leave or I wouldn’t be able to log off online until that money had gone. And so that to me proved that it was the actual activity of gambling itself rather than actually winning money in the end for me. I guess my mentality changed with gambling when I committed fraud and when you know, online I won £127,000. That would have been enough for me to go back and cover up my fraud and have £80,000 deposit for a house. And when we’re talking about relationships with money, I didn’t go into work for the next three days and sat there and spun away £127,000. I felt sick afterwards because, I honestly felt absolutely sick. But then I though “Oh well, I can do that again”. And then it’s just a cycle starts again. And looking now, you know, I can’t change the past. Whatever happened, has happened. But that is a big moment to look back on and use. If someone gave me now £127,000. I would use that to do so much good, makes so much difference, make a change. And to sit there and just spin it away as if it was nothing, that proves to me there was no relationship with money. I could have changed my life there and then. But I also think when you win money, is a downfall for a gambler because the more you win, the more you want. Nothing’s ever enough. At that time and how my mentality was, I could have won £10 million pounds, but I would have lost £20 million trying to chase the next big win. Yeah, bills didn’t matter. Household bills are falling behind. Rent was falling behind. Copious amounts of loans were being taken out to cover things. Lies to families. But everything just fell apart because nothing else matters. Oh I don’t pay my phone bill, get cut off this month, but that doesn’t matter, because I have still got WiFi. As long as I’ve got one out of the two well I can still access gambling, doesn’t actually really matter. Yeah, a lot of things sacrificed around me, and I guess a lot of other people sacrificed around me from missing out on my time and not having any money, wasting it all on gambling. I would make up excuses not to go to things or my partner at the time would have to miss out on going to things which again, it didn’t matter to me at the time. I was selfish and wrapped up in addiction that there was no care for anyone else apart from myself and how I’m going to get that next bet. But yeah, miss family parties, days out. Yeah, a lot sacrificed due to the fact that it didn’t matter because I was always going to get that big win. And that’s what I kept telling myself.


I wanted to go into a betting shop where nobody would talk about what had happened. Generally, when people are in the betting shop, they just talk about the three o’clock at Kempton, or the weather, or the price of butter, or gambling stuff. And I could just sit there and just play and forget about what I was going through, but what it had done to me, and it lost – I’d lost the ability to feel the impact of losing the money. The money actually meant nothing to me so I could lose five hundred. It didn’t even touch the sides. I could lose a thousand. It didn’t even stop. Stop? No, I just wanted to carry on, carry on, carry on because whilst I was in there, I wasn’t at home thinking about other things. So, I purely used it as an escape from the real world as such. I never really enjoyed it, even though you could win £500 in one go I wasn’t trying to win money like I was with the gambling and the poker. It was just a very strange experience of just feeling this will make me feel not happy, but less sad. So sadly, it did for a short period of time, but it just really got out of hand where I was losing upwards of five and ten thousand a day, in fact, and one day I lost £41,000 which was clearly, you know, bad.


It made me avoid dealing with the issues that I had to deal with. It was a mask for me and it was like, well, for six hours of my day that I’d lose during, well, not during the day, during the night I’d feel normal. I wouldn’t feel stressed and it’s like, oh, that’s fine, then I don’t need to worry about being depressed or anything like that and it caused me to spend too much money. It is the kind of ups and downs because you feel really happy but then you feel quite sad about it. It doesn’t help any mental health problems at all, even though you think it does at the time.

It’s not about the money. For me, it wasn’t necessarily about the buzz of winning, either. Because, you know, I literally just would be sat, pressing the button over and over and over and over and over. I mean, I think in one day, I’ve probably got 100’s of pages of data. And it might just be a six-hour period of the seconds, you know, the transactions, horrific, when I look back at it. I just don’t even understand where I was, sitting there doing that over and over and over and over. But you do lose sense of, it’s not real. Nothing is real. And the rewards of actually winning is such that, and I would, if I had a win, I would bank it and I’d sit there and I’d work out exactly what I’d do with it, you know who I’d pay, right? As you know, this is going to get me through this month, and you know, that’s absolutely great. But as soon as I’d done that, I’d undo the withdrawal and play with it, and carry on playing with that until it was all gone and more, if I had more to go. So, it was losing yourself into the system. It was just – is nonsensical a word? It was just a complete loss of self and everything else just dissolved away, in your head, just to dissipate all the woes and the worries and the emotions. It was almost like stunning yourself into nothingness, some sort of form of robotic numbness. I don’t know. Very difficult, very difficult to describe. But as soon as you stopped, it was just, you were just then everything flooded back. Plus, the fact that you’re in even deeper doo doo than you were when you started off and how the hell am I going to get out of this now?


I was always trying to chase. It wasn’t particularly chasing the money at that stage, because I didn’t really care about the money. It was about going through the routine of waking up, putting the bets on, seeing what the outcome was, and if I won, great, but it would all go back on. I’d never cash anything out. I’d never be left with anything.

It is not real money when you are gambling

People find money stops being real to them when they are gambling.

Some individuals describe being careful with their money in everyday life. Gambling is a different world to them. Therefore, they spend much more. 

Yes, well again, like I said before, it makes you like a different person because you’re constantly trying to live your life as normal as you can but knowing that the lying and the deceitfulness and the almost you’re being sneaky around your family or even friends because you can’t wait to put these bets on.

When I look back now, I think yes, there’s times where I’ve been doing it and I’ve got my family sat opposite me and never once are you looking at your family thinking I’m putting money on here that is money that we have not got as a family, and I’ve not really got that to spend or gamble with but you almost have blinkers on you. You’re that involved, you don’t think of them, and it’s only after if something’s gone wrong you do start thinking, “What have I done? Why did I do that?” and do you know what I always think and I find it again, it’s so like almost pathetic that you can do things like this? Sometimes you’ll put a bet, say, for instance, it might be £50, £100, something like that, which is a hell of a lot of money, and then perhaps your son might be after something and you’ll be saying, “Well, how much is that?” Let’s say like £5 and you’re like “£5 for that?” and then, you know, you’re thinking how can you even think like that when you’ve just done that? And again, you question yourself thinking, “Well, that’s just so unfair to think you question that, but think nothing of putting that sum on a football match.”

Clare: And why do you think that is?

Andy: Again, I don’t know. You’re so involved with everything that nothing around you seems to sort of matter, or you’re not really thinking of who you’re letting down.
It’s all about you’re in that sort of zone and nothing around you matters. That’s all I can say really. You just not thinking of anything else.


This happens especially online, as money is seen as just numbers on a screen.

It’d all be online. Doesn’t feel like real money. It’s purely just numbers in your bank account. It’s numbers on a William Hill account. There was never just one. It was whatever bookmakers I was with. It was just numbers. I could never do cash betting. Once I had that physical money in my hands, it was money then. I couldn’t justify spending that money. It was too accessible online.

It is a denial because in your head, you just pass it off as, well it’s just a little thing I do for fun and it’s not affecting anybody. It’s not bad. It’s like justifying when you lose money that you’ve won so well, it wasn’t mine to start with so that doesn’t matter, but it does matter because you could have paid your mortgage with that money, but you’ve just spent it. I think the problem is as well, because it’s online, you’re just pressing a button and you’re not handing over the money, you don’t see how much money you’re passing over until you go to deposit and then you’ve got none left and it’s like, oh it’s all gone.

Some people mention that through gambling, large sums of money have become normal to them. Through gambling, money in everyday life also stops having the value it used to.

I’d put £20 on, then £50, £200 and before I know, I’ve lost all £807. I’ve then deposited another £2000 and just desperate to get back to that £800 that I had…. And yeah, the sums of money are just staggering. And I think it leaves some, it’s left some real, lasting, lasting damage with me there in the sense that I don’t feel like I don’t value money in the same way that I used to. There was a time of day where £100 would have seemed like loads of money to me. It just doesn’t anymore. Numbers seem insignificant and that’s totally as a consequence, obviously of the gambling.

Both winning and losing lead to more gambling

When people are addicted to the gambling experience, both winning and losing money result in them gambling more.

People often say winnings do not feel like real money. It feels free and as if they have extra money to gamble with. Even if they have lost more than they have won.

I would sit there and I’d spend £600 a night just going if I put another £50 on, I can win it back, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter, no one will know. You’re just constantly, even though at the time you don’t see it that you’re chasing the loss you are. Even if there were times where I’d win a lot of money, I’d then gamble what I’d won because I’ll justify it by thinking, well, it wasn’t mine to begin with, I’m not losing money that was mine. It’s always that hope that you can do better, you can do a bit more just a bit more and never comes.

People imagine winning money. They think about what they would do with it if they could win. If they had a win while playing, they often think about how they would clear their debt, or get out of the situation they are in. But in the end, people use anything they win so they can keep on gambling. When they carry on gambling they can lose even more money.

“That’s the way that I describe it when I look back on it. We’re talking a couple of years in, just struggling, making really bad choices for myself, just feeling like I was banging into walls of lots and lots of debt, and realizing that I was running out of options money-wise. Having that money gives you the opportunity to gamble. I was up until 4:00 AM gambling through the night, able to win quite big amounts of money, but never taking a withdrawal out of there. It was always just spend, and the deposits would then go up. I would always be working out – if something happened.
There was one night I won £7,000 off a bonus and then it was “”I don’t have to work or so many months now. I don’t have to do this job that has become so painful to me.”” Then you would wake up in the morning, and there would be nothing left, and you would hate yourself. You would lift your head up off the pillow, remember what had happened, and put your head back down and then get up and you would get on with life, and then it would start again. Then there was one day when I was sitting in my kitchen and it felt like gambling surrounded me. It was all four walls of that room, and I did not know what to do. The thought process was, “”I don’t know how to make this stop. I don’t know how to make this go away. I’m the problem, so I must be removed.””
I remember then going, “”I’m requesting that too. I’m going to have to kill myself.”””


For those who gamble for a big win, it becomes that no win is big enough. This is because they believe they have a chance to win again. They convince themselves that they can use what they have won to win even more.

I don’t think there’s any amount of money you can win as a gambler in the height of addiction that you’re going to walk away from. Once you’ve got it, your mentality changes instantly. When I won that £127,000, I thought to myself “Oh, that’s going to drop in again in a minute”. So there was these fire bonus things that used to be on websites, online sites, and you could spend £2000 on one. And that’s what I was doing. And I thought “Well, how easy that dropped in, I can do that again”.

When people start to lose, they may gamble more to try win their money back. When a person loses, they can panic, feel badly treated, stupid, regretful, angry, or like a failure. Because they are feeling this they may gamble in more risky ways and lose more money.

I used to play them like you would not believe and the thousands and thousands of pounds that I spent on those machines, always with a… I’d start out with a strategy in my head what I was going to do. I’d have limits in my head and within seconds of being on there, you know, it just immediately went out of the window. It was just constant chasing, absolute…You know, nothing was ever enough. It didn’t matter. There was never a win that would have been enough because every time I was at any sort of level of profit, which wasn’t very often but if ever I was at profit while I was playing that my gamblers mind saw that profit as free money, if you like, it’s winnings so that you can play with the winnings. So, I would then play with the winnings, but I’d lose the winnings and then my brain would remember what I had when the winnings was in my pot, and I’d suddenly start trying to chase that figure again. And of course, that figure was always, it were ever changing, be it up or down and so you’d just chase, and chase, and chase.


So I guess just to kind of go back to the question you ask, I think in a sense, kind of, the addiction side of it is more just for me anyway, was more about the chase. And, it was kind of when, whenever I was winning, I felt like a real expert. I was like, Yeah, I’m really, really good at this and I know, I know what I’m doing. I’m a savvy bettor, not like all those idiots that are losing all the money. But then when you start losing, thought process goes out the window, I’d be betting on anything, literally anything. I’d be, like I say, just, I’ve got to win this money back. I’d be betting on stupid markets like, will there be a goal in the next ten minutes? Yes, odds of three or something like that. So two hundred quid on a goal in the next ten minutes and then you’re sitting there and, Ah, okay, that time. I mean, time move so fast. When you’ve only got ten minutes, it’s amazing how quick that 10 minutes flies by. And then that will lose. So you’ll be, Right, okay. Okay, now put 500 on a goal in the next ten minutes. And yeah, you’re not even thinking. I think one thing that never crosses a gambler’s mind is what happens if these loses? You know, I personally never thought about the loss. I always thought, well, this is going to win, so this will get the money back. And I also had this weird thing of if I had looked at a bet and decided that it was a good bet, I had to place that because if I didn’t place it now, it’s definitely going to come in was my mentality. So I thought, well, stupidly, now I’ve looked at that, that’s definitely going to win, so I’ve definitely got to put the money on it, otherwise I’m going to lose.


When people have won a large amount, and then lost it all, these emotions are very strong. They can gamble an even larger amount of money and go to extreme lengths trying to get the big winnings back.

You’re like, “Oh, well, I’ve gambled hundreds. I might as well just do another hundred,” and I just did that, kept doing that, kept doing that and ended up with like £1,000 and I was like, “Oh, well, I’ve just blown a lot of money so I might as well just carry on because I’ve won £17,000 in the past, so why can’t I do it again?” I did that and ended up losing it all. I had nothing. I was like, “Oh my God. I need to bet. I need to win this money back.” I think for me, I was always chasing it. I was always chasing all that money that I lost and accepted it, obviously it was gone and it was my own fault, my own choices, but I think a lot of people think the same, but like once you’re in a deep hole, a dark pit, you think, “Well, I’m there now so what’s the point in stopping?”

You always think it’s never going to happen to you. And I had so many people speak to me over the years that this will happen, that will happen. And you just dismiss it, and you think you’re invincible. I had some huge wins. I won… March 98 or 99, March 99, I won the top end of 90 odd thousand pounds in an afternoon, and I thought I’d landed the big time. I thought if I can make half a million instead of that, that would have sorted all my debt out at the time, it would have bought me van for the business. We could have gone away on a nice holiday, but my first thought was let’s try and make it half a million, and then I’d have really landed. That would never have done me any good because I would’ve just spiralled. Spiralled out and gone for the million or whatever, so I lost all that money in four days and then lumps of it. And that’s when the business started to really… to try and win back the 90,000 that I’d lost, I started lumping money out the business. And then it only like three and a half months later I’m homeless. So, all that sort of thing.

Nick #2

Getting money to gamble

Addiction pushes people to gamble. People need money to gamble. They are always trying to get money to gamble. This is damaging. They may borrow or take money from family and friends. They may sell possessions, move money between accounts, get more expensive credit, or commit a crime. Most end short of money, unable to afford essentials and in debt. 

And very quickly I got hooked on slots, hooked massively and it’d gone from spending £20, £30 a week to, I was losing hundreds at the start. And I didn’t identify that to be a problem, because you’d have the occasional win and in your head. delusional, would balance it out. And the friends circle that I had at that time as well, I, looking back now, it probably wasn’t the best choices. But at the time you want to be included, it’s that peer pressure. But looking back now, they were justifying losing money. So “no, that’s OK, everything is fine, don’t worry, we will win it back tomorrow”. And instantly, that’s where the mentality changed from “I’m going to walk away, I’ve lost £20 etc, it doesn’t matter” to “we’ll need to come back tomorrow now because I need to win that £300 back, I need to pay bills”. And it started to influence exactly that, that’s where it started to become lying and deceitful from quite early on to family “Oh I’ve been underpaid this amount of money, I need to borrow some money” and it would be going about back into the casino, and I was getting further and further into a mess. I’d say after a year, at the start of that gambling, it was daily. I then found sort of online gambling. Never had bad credit or anything in my life. I’d taken out every payday loan possible to fund gambling. This is quite early on. Every single time I got paid at midnight, I’d either wait up to go to the casino or sit online on my phone and by ten past midnight where after my wages had cleared it had gone and I was back to square one. So that really the development was for me like a social thing, at the age of 18, 19 and then by 19, I was hooked, completely, completely hooked.


And obviously gradually the money progressed, and the amounts started to progress further and further, really. Like I say, up until the point where I got paid at 12 o’clock and 12 o’clock at night, that was a regular occurrence, I’d be checking my bank at 12 o’clock to make sure that my money or my wages had gone in. And within the space of an hour and a half my entire months’ salary had gone and I had no more options to turn to.

I ended up over time with five credit cards, which then turned into two high-cost loans because my credit rating was slowly going down. Getting loans to consolidate that debt to try and just make a clean break of things, and it didn’t. It just created a black hole of more credit that needed to be filled, and very quickly I would get one credit card with a credit limit, and instantly, by using, it would go over that credit limit, and then have to sort that out. I always paid my rent, always paid my bills, but always had no money left to live or to make plans for things and became very isolated as well.

I used to save money. I worked hard. I went on holidays. You know, I did as well as I thought I could have done at that time, but I still gambled. Nowhere near to the extent where I ended up at, but I still gambled. And that would be like after work or at the weekends on football and it soon developed that I was gambling more and then going in my lunch break and maybe then taking a few hours more out of work and things like that. And I’d say it progressed really quickly, you know, really quickly in terms of what it started at, and what it was turning into. But I was still able to put my first deposit down on my flat at 21. I became a father, you know, quite young. I had responsibilities. I never had at that stage borrowed money to gamble and use – it was all my own money, which doesn’t make it right, but it was how it was. But then I started to use a credit card because I’d kept my savings and my endowment for my mortgage and things like that. And then I started using credit cards and taking cash out of credit cards. Then, after years of being in employment, it was really easy to get a loan, and loans to then clear the credit cards, and then further loans to consolidate the cards, and the loans already taken, and all I would do is clear them and then use them again. So how my mind would be is like get a loan to clear and then have a kitty there to use. And then that way, I’d get that kitty up to clear the loan and everything would be on zero again, but well, the mind of me as the gambler told me and the reality that was actually ever going to happen or did happen, it never worked out that way. Look, it wasn’t just lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, but what it was was there is no stop button.


Gambling to deal with financial harm

Some see gambling as the only option they have to replace the funds lost to gambling.

Money is money, and loss of money has very real consequences. When a gambling session ends, people are confronted with these consequences. They are in a ‘financial hole’. They have won money in the past and will justify gambling again.  They may have no other way of trying to get the amount of money they need. They may not be able to earn this amount of money in their job.

So in terms of relationship with the people, I then withdraw away. It’s almost like I knew what was coming. I felt that my life was a ticking time bomb and everything was going to be unveiled at some point. And so I was clinging on to gambling. My perspective of it changed with gambling. It was I need the big win to replace the money now, because it had got to a stage, I need that big win, rather than I want it’s enjoyable. It was a need, which in my quest of need to get this big, there was no relationship with anyone else, I was heartless, cold. I was an awful person to be around, awful person to be around.

Some justify using borrowed money or credit to gamble. This is because they convince themselves this is a good use of the money. They believe if they gamble with this money they will be able to win enough to pay off their debts.

I got a loan for my car and I had access to credit cards and store cards and things like that from a very… literally as soon as I turned 18, I started accessing these things and I had regular access to different funds that to me in my compulsive brain was free money because at some point I will get a big win and I will pay off all these debts and everything will be okay. Obviously, it doesn’t work like that, and it doesn’t happen like that. A compulsive gambler, no matter how much they win. That’s just extra stake money just longer that you can spend betting. I’d always convinced myself that I need X amount to be able to take my… I want to take my son to Disneyland, so I need X amount. Countless amount of times I got to a point where I had enough money in my online accounts to take him to Disneyland, but then my compulsive brain went Wow, you’ve won this amount, so maybe we can take him to Disney World rather than Disneyland and just convince myself that I was going to give him a better holiday, not just the countless amount of times that I withdrew money from the gambling sites. And then five, 10 minutes later, cancel withdrawal and carried on betting even further until I had lost the lot and then was chasing those losses and it spiralled from there, really.


I ended up owing my mum £600… I was like, “Oh, can I borrow £100?” This was off an auntie on my dad’s side. She bank transferred me £100, I never paid her back. Even though at the time I had all the intentions of paying them back, but once I had the money in my bank account, I was like, “I could pay them now, or I could put this in Bet365 and win double, double, take it back, give them their money, and then I’ve got money to bet with.”

A lot of gamblers speak of the stress, anxiety, and panic of mounting debt. Some may not have money to pay bills, rent or eat for the month. Many try to figure out how to get money to live on. But when they do, they end up gambling with it. So the search for money starts again. This has been described as an intense way of living on adrenaline, even like a rollercoaster. It stops people thinking clearly.

You are thinking, “Oh, this is what I could have had, you know, I’m so embarrassed about what I’ve done” and the shame and everything and the regret. That happens. It could happen in 15 minutes. You know, and there’s been days where, you know, I’ve quit gambling twice in a day, you know, I’m never going to gamble again. And then ten minutes later, I’m gambling and then whenever, later on, I’m never going to gamble again and then I’m gambling again, you know, so it’s that constant fear, not fear, feeling of failure, but then mixed in with like all the emotion of winning money. So it’s very, very difficult. And the lies you know is such a big thing, like the secrecy and because it’s not like with other addictions where I guess it’s more obvious to the people on the outside. Because they can physically see changes or hear changes with this, it’s like, you can hide it quite well, and you learn to hide it, and you learn to lie well.


It ends up where a lot of people in early recovery feel like their brain is fried or that they’re full of electricity. Some of it’s not the gambling, it’s about the managing to get the money. It could be robbing Peter to pay Paul. It could be lying to somebody. It all ends up a bit wheeler dealer where it’s just going right I’ve been paid, for me, I’ve paid my rent and I’ve got absolutely no money left now because I’ve spent it all on gambling in one evening. How am I going to get through the rest of the month? That becomes addictive. It’s just that panic, that lying, winning some money, and feeling like you’ve beaten the bookies.

The financial damage and the implications for those closest to them is one of the main reasons that individuals keep gambling a secret. People have described the shame and self-hatred at ‘not paying their way’, ‘ruining lives’ and taking resources from family and friends. It can cause people to keep gambling. This is because if they stop, they will have to deal with the amount of money they have lost. This is too much to face for many people.

You’ve got access to things to try and help you out to try and get straight but realistically, you’re just going down a deeper and deeper hole and eventually, it could lead to– You hear about people who’ve taken their own lives, because they’ve got in such a mess, the embarrassment, the shame, the money they owe. At times, you do think, “How can I get straight? How can I get back to normal? How can I pay this money back?” Questions are just going over and over in your head and then again, this is when you’re lying awake at night, and you do at times, you get some really dark thoughts as though, “Is there a way out from this?” I can almost understand why people do drastic things because you just don’t think there’s a way out.

Afraid of money

Some people dread having money.  This is because having money means they will gamble. Some of them are very anxious about payday. Some have avoided claiming benefits or getting work because having money means they will gamble. Some have spent winnings on things they don’t need. They will spend their money as fast as possible to avoid another gambling session. 

I said, “I don’t want money, that’s the one thing I don’t need.” As soon as I have money, that was just a tool for me to gamble then. I used to get really anxious in the 40 hours before payday. This was literally my cycle. I got paid once a month. I used to be nervous, panicking for that 40 hours before I got paid. Then I need to be up until my money cleared into my account. I used to gamble all my wage within the first hour or two.

People have described feeling peace once they gambled away all their money. This is because knowing that all of their money is spent means that they cannot gamble for the time being. 

When I finish my single pence, I mean the last pence. Then I come out and burn my cigarette, then I feel like I’m getting some peace. This happen with me. Day by day. It’s like one day, two year, three years. Every time. If I don’t have money in my pocket, I’m just gambling in my gym. Like I found some amount of money with that money, I’m gambling like that. So I cannot push my pain for a single moment.

If I went in the betting shop and lost the first bet it was like a red rag. I wouldn’t rest until I’d either got that tenner back or, and all I used to do was dig a massive hole for myself. Basically, I got to the point where the only time that I’d ever come out of a betting shop when I’d got no money left to lose. I’d lost the whole lot, and then I was happy. Believe it or not, happy I could come out.

And the pressure started to mount again on me to the point where I relapsed and I was gambling for about a month, two months. But it was a different type of gambling this time. Previously the sort of gambling enabled me some sort of escapism from my real-life problems, but it was clear to me from the start of that relapse that that sort of escapism wasn’t there anymore. It was just pressing the buttons for the sake of pressing buttons, emptying my bank account just because I couldn’t handle having the money in my account. I was safer losing it all than spending the majority of my time gambling it away, which sounds counterproductive but that was the sort of mentality at that time.


All money goes to gambling companies

In this way, people have said they’re stuck in an addiction that makes them behave in damaging ways with money. Both losses and winnings result in more gambling and money to gambling companies. Any money people can get goes to the gambling companies. People point out this means they are very profitable customers. They set out the many ways that gambling companies have encouraged them to get to this point.

If I lose a thousand 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000, 6,000 with a certain bookmaker, they make it seven eight nine, 10, 11 and all the way up to 41,000. They never stopped me. It only stopped because I ran out of money.

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