Those who have experienced being close to someone with gambling difficulties want to share their messages for people who may be going through something like they have.
They stress how important it is to seek help for yourself. They emphasise it is easy to become so absorbed in the other person’s issues that you neglect yourself. Prioritising your own well-being is essential before you can effectively support someone else. You are important. People say it is important to be kind to yourself and to adopt strategies to prevent you from burning out.
Many say peer support meetings are very valuable, as they offer a space to connect with others who truly understand your experience.
Many people emphasise how important it is to tell someone what is happening and ask for help. They know how hard it is, but nobody regretted making that first step. They want to encourage others to speak to someone they trust early on. They want people to know that they are not alone and that there are safe spaces out there, where they can talk about their experiences with other people who will not judge them.
Some highlight that you do not have to stay in a relationship that poses a danger to your wellbeing. Those who have gone through similar experiences emphasise that prioritising your safety and health is not an act of selfishness. If you find yourself in a relationship that threatens your mental or physical health and ability to live the life you want due to the other person’s gambling, it is entirely valid and important to consider leaving. They explain that the other person must take responsibility for change. You cannot control the other person.
Don’t be afraid to tell people. If you’re getting judged, they’re not the people that you want to talk to, but there are people out there that you can speak to that won’t judge you. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You need support just as much as they do. If you want to stick by them, then that’s great because that will help them. If you don’t, it’s not selfish to walk away either.
You’ve got to look for professional help. There are plenty of people out there, don’t be ashamed to say, “I can’t do this anymore,” or, “I can’t be with this person anymore,” or, “This person needs help,” because there are so many and with more lived experienced people out there to help you. You’re really missing out on something that could make your life a lot happier.
It’s about how you look after you. You first, them second, because it’s like in an airplane, isn’t? You always have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help anybody else. To me, it’s about you sorting you out. Then you might be able to support them when they need sorting themselves out.
It’s about remembering who you are in it as well. You are allowed for it to affect you and you are allowed to feel the feelings that you feel and they’re a huge range of feelings, because they are, they are anger, they’re worry, they’re massive worry… It’s making sure you do what you need to do for you to look after you as well because it is hard… You feel really helpless because you want it to be different for them. They want it to be different. He didn’t want life to be like that, but you can only do so much then that’s really hard.
There is help available for you. You don’t have to be responsible for that person. They have to be responsible for themselves… You need to look after yourself in the meantime. There’s help for you as well… There are people out there that you can talk to, and they can give you advice. And don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone.
Help shouldn’t be avoided. Don’t dismiss feelings. Deal with them but only with those who do not further criticise. Forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself… No one can fix the gambler. They have to realise they are responsible and take ownership for their actions and deal with the consequences. Do things you want to do. You are in control not the gambler.